Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize