I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well you can't waste a boner
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
