You made me cry and you don't even care
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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