so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish I only lived at night.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
