This dress was meant to end up on your floor
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
