Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
