if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize