thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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