I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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