Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
