Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
