I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
