Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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