I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
try to milk me bitch
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