It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
