Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize