So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
