We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
