there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
