He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize