Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
