So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
