I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
this must be what syphilis tastes like
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
