I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude. I can hear the air.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
