I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
