You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize