but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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