My room smells like vodka and shame
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
a search helicopter?!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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