I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
