I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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