Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
