i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
barbara walters just said penis...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dick very happy bro
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