I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
