Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
