Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
