did you get engaged???
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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