She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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