I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
