I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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