Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
