shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
