RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
