im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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