Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
