I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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