I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
