I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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