Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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