If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
