I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
