I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
