She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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