Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
