i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
