my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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