Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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