Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
someone owes me an orgasm
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
