my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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