"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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