Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
