listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
