I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
