He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
