I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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