dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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