Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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