Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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