I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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