Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
