actually, I'm a sock model
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
