If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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